Tuesday, 13 January 2015


Reflecting on it, 2014 has been an extremely trying year for me. I've been all over the place this year - in terms of my mental health.

As some of you might know after I finished college in July 2013 I decided to take a gap year to try and work on myself (mental health), I registered as self employed and started doing promotional work, it was also around this time when my boyfriend moved to Germany for his placement year of his degree - both of these things carried through to 2014.

In 2014 I had two major breaking points with my mental health where I tried to commit suicide, one in April and the other in November. I had many many less severe instances throughout the year but with both of these times I ending up taking overdoses, which resulted in hospitalisation. In March I had the crisis team out to me every day until I stayed in a respite house for a few days as a different form of help (alternative to psychiatric unit), I also had to stop driving for a while, had an increase of medication, and was referred to have a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) as I needed more specialised therapy. All of this was set up in Staffordshire where I was living in my family home, but, in September I moved to Manchester to start studying Musical Theatre and was left without any support.

Just before moving to Manchester my CPN was moved to a different team, the community mental health team were going to assign me a new CPN but as I was moving I told them there was no point. Trying to get a transfer of care in Manchester has been extremely difficult, I had no idea where or how to sign up at a GP for starters, without the complexity of having to find information on mental health support teams etc. My anti depressants had seemed to not be working for a while and without access to a doctor or any kind of support I was starting to spiral downwards again, I was missing so much university, I was so far behind and deadlines were approaching but I couldn't get myself to do anything other than lie on my bed with the lights off all day. All I wanted to do was get 'fucked up' because it made me feel something, I could pretend I was this other person for awhile and actually feel some kind of positive energy within myself.

Another overdose. This time not much was put in place, I was taken back to my family home for a few weeks to be looked after, I've been referred for a CPN here now (which might take a while before I'm assigned someone), I had a medication change which involved having to come completely off my current tablets which I don't think helped how I felt at all.

I suffer with clinical depression, anxiety, horrendous mood alterations, dissociation, and a few more 'symptoms'. It's been questioned quite a few times this year whether I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which honestly I would be fine knowing I have. I'm yet to have a proper diagnosis, and though being diagnosed doesn't define you as a person I feel like I would be so relieved knowing there's an actual reason for me being the way I am.

I've suffered with my mental health really badly for a very long time, the first time it became apparent to others was when I was 13/14. since then I've been pretty secretive about all of it (regarding friends) and I've tried to keep it under wraps and try and keep it out of my life but it's such a huge part of who I am. I've realised ignoring this won't make all other areas of my life "normal" because what the fuck is normal? For such a long time I've told myself because I've just had an extremely bad period of time mentally it'll even out and I'll be fine for a while but clearly that logic isn't quite right, because it always comes back sooner than anticipated. Starting this year I'm going to try and be more open about it, and stop putting things off to work on my mental health, as it could stay with me for my entire existence I need to try to carry on with my life. It affects me in such massive ways and trying to keep up with myself and everything else and separating parts of my life is exhausting... I hope that makes sense. I suppose that's my new years resolution, being more open with people, but also being more truthful to myself.

On a lighter note, here are a couple of positive things that happened in 2014:

I visited Germany, Italy, Austria and Spain. 
(and skied on a mountain for the first time)

Tegernsee (Germany)

Munich (Germany)

Dolomites (Italy)

Innsbruck (Austria)

Dolomites (Italy)

Palma (Mallorca)

Palma (Mallorca)

I gained 4 cats at my family home
Sid, Dita, Dolly, and Kitty 

I moved to Manchester and started studying at The Arden School of Theatre.

If anyone is going through anything and doesn't have anyone to talk to or just wants to chat, I would love to speak to you, it's probably best to email/ facebook me. All my links are at the side and my email is in 'contact' 
Sending love and positivity to all of you for 2015.


Thursday, 23 October 2014

I ♥ Fall Tag! | Rachael Elizabeth

I did the 'I ♥ fall tag' earlier as it is now Autumn in the UK! I tag anyone who wants to do it, I'd love to see yours!

1. Favourite Fall lip product?
2. Favourite Fall Nail Polish?
3. Favourite Fall Drink?
4. Favourite Fall Candle?
5. Favourite Fall Scarf or accessory?
6. Haunted house, haunted hay ride, or haunted corn maze?
7. Favorite Halloween movie?
8. Favorite candy to eat on Halloween?
9. What are you dressing up as for Halloween?!
10. What is your Favourite thing about Fall?


Monday, 7 July 2014

OOTD - School Friends Meetup

I had a lovely evening meeting up with some old school friends the other day. We all had BBQ food together and a few drinks, some more than others but I won't go into the state of some of them!

I paired my gorgeous textured pastel blue collar dress (which I still can't believe was from Primark) with a white bag, white shoes, pastel blue socks to match the dress and some super bad-ass jewelry to finish it off. 

Dress - Primark
Shoes - Ebay
Bag - Collectif
Necklace - Shop Dixi
Black stone ring - New Look


Friday, 4 July 2014

Where on earth has Rachael Elizabeth been?! | Update

Hey everyone! So I thought I'd write a quick blog post to let you know I'M NOT DEAD! The last time I posted was nearly two months ago and my last YouTube video was uploaded nearly a month ago, so I have been rather inactive!

Firstly my mental health has been pretty shitty and I haven't really felt motivated to do anything, and most of the time I felt I didn't really have much to say. Then to make things feel even worse my Uncle died and I was heartbroken, I didn't really know him very well but the weeks coming up to his death I was talking to my Dad about how we should have afternoon tea or go out for lunch with his side of the family as I want to get to know them, but now it's too late for me to know my Uncle Mike.  

It was also my birthday last week (June 26th) and I have just turned 19, which feels reallllly strange by the way. On the morning of my birthday I had my Grade 7 RAD ballet exam, which I think went well - even though I did two things wrong I've never done before ARGH! Then afterwards I went into Stafford with my sister to do some shopping with the money I got for my birthday, and on the evening of my birthday my parents and most of my siblings and their partners came down to celebrate with an Indian meal and I drank ALL THE WINE. My boyfriend also came back from Germany to see me which was nice, I wanted to spend most of the time with him while I could - but he's gone back now. There's only 5 more weeks before he's back in the UK for good which I absolutely cannot wait for; this past year has sucked with us not being together.

On the Saturday after my birthday I had a mythical creatures birthday party where I dressed up as a high elf like Galadriel (LoTR). I was planning on making a GRWM video but ended up being completely rushed and didn't have the time to; which was super disappointing. 

At the moment I'm stressing over my modern dance exam, which I'm number one for and have no clue what I'm doing. It's next Sunday (the 13th) and I've had to miss my drama rehearsals to practice for it which sucks because I love my drama babies. Other than that I've been trying to get in touch with a promotional/ entertainment employer who I've worked for many times in the past - but he's awful at responding. I'm really hoping to do some fun Summer holiday work before I have to go off to University. 

I think I'm going to do a birthday haul of all the presents and things I bought with birthday money as I got some lovely things and thought you guys might want to be nosey like I love to be! I'm sorry if this has been really all over the place but i'm trying not to ramble on for 100 pages, but, anyway, I feel like I'm coming up a little bit so I'll hopefully feel good to film and post a little bit more for you guys over the next few weeks.

Rachael Elizabeth

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Spring/ Summer Lookbook | 2014

So Winter has left England, but as usual the weather hasn't been very steady; torrential rain turns into blaring sunshine and visa versa. The majority of the time when I'm free it's been awful so I've been trying to finish this for so long! But winter has definitely gone I thought I'd show you guys the types of outfits I've been wearing throughout springtime. You may see a reoccurring theme of; pretty pastels and florals, but then a badass twist. This seems to be how I like dressing recently.

Outfit one

This outfit makes me feel like a METAL HIPPY! I don't have a clue if that makes sense to anyone but I really like it. My tshirt and jewelry are both of an alternative style with lots of crosses and skulls, but then my headscarf, and oversized cardigan are very hippy- esque and my shoes and bra are mega cute too. I don't seem to be able to stick with one style. I think I could've done with wearing some tights or stockings with this outfit as well as after I finished shooting this my legs felt freeeeeezing.

Tshirt - TBDM band shirt
Basic denim shorts - Primark
Cardigan - Homemade by my Mother ♥
Shoes - Iron Fist
Double knuckle cross ring - Primark
Other jewelry items were gifts.

Outfit two

For this outfit I had been a little bit inspired by a Burberry spread in the March edition of Elle, one model was wearing a baby blue lace dress with a mint green jacket, and I absolutely love pastels so my brain screamed "ON IT."
I'm wearing the black floral crop top because it is Springtime, and what's an outfit without flowers?! Then I have my Coltrane dupes and a big chunky chain on to give the overall look a little more edge.

Blue jumper - 'Tally Weijl' (from Germany)
Mint Green Pencil Skirt- Unknown
Crop top - New Look
Frilly socks - Primark
Silver Chain - Primark
Rose Ring - Primark
Coltrane Dupes - Ebay

Outfit three

I feel this look is very comfy and chilled out but still looks very cute. Again the outfit is very pastelly and floral but the twist is pulled in with the jagged skeleton hand crop top and little skull ring, and I also feel that the style of my shoes with the floral pattern fits in very well with the overall look. I actually chalked the ends of my hair a peachy pink to match my cardigan and flower crown but I don't think you can tell!

Cardigan - Primark (I got a HUGE size)
Crop top - DIY
High waisted jeans -Primark
Floral head crown - Primark
Jewelry - Gifts
Dr Marten floral denim 1461's.

Outfit four

The baggyness of the tunic dress with the Dr Martens definitely brings out a slouchy thrown on look for Spring, but still stays relatively feminine with the beautiful mint green colour and added mystical jewelry. To add to the care free look I waved all my hair and mussed it up a little bit, and I absolutely love my hair styled like this.

Tunic Ophelia Dress - Ark
Black Tights - Primark
Leather Jacket - Ebay
Silver Chain - Primark
Triangle Necklace - Ebay
Green Amethyst Necklace - Ebay
Dr Marten Black 1460's


Tuesday, 6 May 2014

April Haul | Primark, Ebay & Others.

So I'm calling this my April haul even though these purchases were made within one week! I bought a variety of things this month which I feel I'm already becoming particularly fond of.


Thursday, 17 April 2014

Removing hair colour - Bleach bathing

I had my hair mega fabulous in a mermaid trimple ombre effect while I was abroad in February (as some of you may know). After I had arrived back home I was booked onto some work at the NEC quite short notice and had no time to vitamin C strip/ fade my hair colour out so I turned to my wonderful emergency hair colour removal method - yes, the bleach bath.

How my hair looked just before bleach bathing

To do this you will need bleach powder, cream developer, shampoo, a mixing bowl, gloves, a measuring cup/scoop, a spoon/ something to mix it with, and an application brush (optional)

 Chances are if you're using this method to remove colourful dyes your hair will already be pretty pale underneath so when doing this method I suggest you use the lowest vol of cream peroxide possible (I used 3% / 10vol), it doesn't need to lift much and the last thing you want is to create irreversible damage to your hair. Many many many people on the interwebs have different mixing ratios, but the one I go with is 1 scoop bleach, 1 scoop developer, and 2 scoops of shampoo. I find this mixture to be very effective and I like the consistency as I find it easy to work into the hair.

Ratio 1:1:2

When you've mixed all the products together you should end up with a concoction that looks something like the first picture below.
Before applying the mixture to the hair you'll want to wet it and take off any excess moisture so it isn't dribbling water all over you - but don't dry it too much! Remember this is a shampoo mixture and shampoo lathers much easier through wet hair! You can apply the mixture with an application brush, but personally I find it much easier to just whack it on and lather it through my hair. This method is much faster than applying with a brush so the colour should come out evenly quicker and cause less damage to the hair - but of course it's entirely up to you.

Once you've fully saturated the hair with the mixture I suggest putting a shower cap over your hair so the heat from your head will help it process faster. Keep checking on the progress though as this can take no time at all if your hair isn't being stubborn -  parts of mine went blonde seconds after putting the mixture on but other parts took much longer. In total I left mine on for 20 minutes and had absolutely no colour left in my hair which was fabbo. Once it seems light enough to you just rinse it out and condition well and voila!

I did use a toner to make sure there weren't any yellow tones after.
If you don't have experience in bleaching hair please be cautious. Leaving the mixture on for too long (especially with higher volumes of developer) will damage the hair cuticle and could make your hair very dry and prone to snapping/ breakage.

I also did a corresponding video on this topic.